Everyone has their little insecurities and quirks but like many of us, self-confidence either was or still is a battle.
Self-esteem: belief and confidence in your own ability and valueCambridge Dictionary
As a kid and even up to my early teens, I didn’t have much self-esteem. I was really out here believing that I was an ugly duckling that wasn’t too bright upstairs. Now, I can’t even imagine that I use to believe that mess!
I am not perfect but as I continue to nurture my self-confidence, I wanted to share how I overcame my lack of it. . . even though it took me forever and a day to get there:
MY RELATIONSHIP W/ GOD
Soooo, about the big man upstairs . . . HE IS AMAZING! One thing I can say for certain is that when I actively seek God, give Him my time and depend on Him, everything else is a-okay! As I reflect, I realize this was a common thread in my life when I began to truly love myself. A certain sense of wholeness and fullness is felt. There have been times in my life where I grew distant from God and everytime I noticed I gradually started going back into a slump of negativity and self- limiting thoughts, words and actions.
In seeking Him, my life always pans out in ways – whether I like it or not – that not only re-assure me that God has my back but also helps me to realize, love and appreciate the way He made me. I’m not a perfect Christian. I am very much still in the process of learning and growing and I am not ashamed of that but without God, I am nothing! PERIODT! LOL
THE COMPANY I KEPT
Toxic people y’aalll! STAY. FAR. AWAYYYY!
At it’s core, toxic people lack love for/ confidence in themselves but you also attract who you are. This is why it holds true that you are who you spend most of your time with.
Reflecting on my past I can definately see that I attracted toxic people because of my low self-esteem. I fell victim to bullying & negative habits from the very people I considered friends. To be fair though, immaturity had a lot to play in the grand scheme of things. As I got older, I allowed these friendships to die, some a painfully slow death but I don’t regret any of it. Each in its unique way helped me to grow and even inspired me to work towards being a better friend myself. In restrospect, some people are just meant to be in our lives for a season.
Stepping away from toxic people allowed me to love myself & become more aware of my worth, by staying close to & talking with my loved ones who uplifted me and helped me realize who the hell I am!
TOUGH LOVE & DISCOVERING MY ABILITY
So quick story on tough love but as a kid, I didn’t put much effort into my studies. I would perform good enough but always fell short of my full potential. My low self-esteem then, clearly affected other areas of my life. Due to my lack of improvement, my teacher threatened to make me repeat a year unless I got an A in my final term of standard 4. She saw my potential for success even though I couldn’t see it myself and figured this would shake me up.
Now if you know anything about me, you would know that I hate embarrassment. Repeating a year meant that my entire year group would be promoted to standard 5 and then go on to secondary school while I stayed behind. HOW ABOUT NO! This along with the support of my mom pushed me to work my butt off that term and sure enough, I got that A. That A meant everything to me at that time because for years I always had such mediocre thinking of my intelligence.
In the same breath, I had to understand that academic performance does not and should not define my intelligence. As I got older, I came to terms with this and so, facing hardship or failure helped me to develop greater resilience. From that day all thoughts of me believing I was stupid were non-existent.
KIND SELF-TALK & POSITIVE THOUGHTS
This took some time y’all. I use to be a huge Debby Downer and sometimes I still have to catch myself from slipping back, especially when things go left. As always though, God be coming through! Although I am still working on it, I have learnt to be more grateful for all that I have and all that made me who I am. The more we show gratitude, the less time we have to focus on our lack. With this, I am a lot more mindful of my thoughts and words toward myself.
Sometimes we are just ridiculously hard on ourselves, constantly forgetting that we are only human and are still works in progress. It is super important to be careful of your thoughts and words towards yourself. The two hold so much power and the last thing you want to do is feed yourself a bunch of negativity. So cheer up and keep it pushin’!
SELF- AWARENESS & MATURITY
As we grow older we seek to find ourselves, heal ourselves and grow. With time, our thinking changes, we choose to respond/ react or don’t respond/ react to certain things. However, it always starts with self-awareness. Coming to terms with our inner issues and wanting to heal and change ourselves for the better. Without that, we never realize the need for change and we miss out on really learning to love ourselves completely.
Whatever your process is – therapy, educating yourself through books, your faith – always seek to grow and be a better you so that you can pour into helping others do the same.
How did you learn/ are learning to love yourself? Share what changes you made in the comments below!
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As always, to God’s blessings, prosperity, faith, happiness and love!